Sexanxiophilia

Repressed desire in the mind of the contemporary individual turns to the form of a craving, an addiction to anxiety. It lingers in the shadows, and it’s modified and transformed throughout time. It ages and returns, unleashing the accumulated trauma of repression. A new drive that pushes individuals to survive in this fast-paced and consumerist social context. A sexualised desire for death that is triggered by its effervescent nature.

S.1. Cathartic Memory-

The need to materialise my own anxiety becomes a recurring process during my research. A cathartic moment where I allow myself to unleash a cluster of feelings turns into a necessity, and anxiety is materialised. A link between the concept of ‘Sexanxiophilia’ and its process; painting anxiety and writing drawings.

S.2. Memory Hoarding-

The preservation of an idealised memory in contrast to the accumulation of abject objects creating a toxic environment. The juxtaposition of archives that generates the sufficient amount of tension in order to respond to the repressive system with a new pressure. A proposal to search for sinister flags, crack the heteronormal collective imaginary, and ironically ridicule the oppressive gaze.

2.3. Bigender Diary-

The exploration of my own gender and identity through the process of experimentation with my own self and body. A performative approach that mocks the gender binary becomes part of my own quotidianity. A practice that rethinks femininity and masculinity within contemporary life. The insertion of non-normative identities into the normative social context.

S.4. Raping my Rapist-

The documentation of the co-existence with my rapist and the environment that surrounds us. The portrait of our constant confrontation and the process of reclaiming power amongst the vulnerability of this situation. My own journey in facing the entire structure of violence and establishing a position towards it. The showcase of a toxic environment that contains the contradictory relationship between care and violence. A critique to the system that endorses and allows this, and a question for all bystanders.

S.5. Sexanxiophilic Diary: Hoarded Materiality Traumatised by the Cathartic Memory of a Rape-

The intervention of the massive amount of archived documentation and the manipulation of its content. My own impulses to modify, insert, change. An assertion of the issues contained within the narratives of these documents and the interaction with it that traumatises the materiality of their memory. A conclusion to the endless array of tension. Closure.